


Atelophobia

by Princessfbi



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Athena Brought the Wine, Athena Grant and Bobby Nash are Evan "Buck" Buckley's Parents, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Evan "Buck" Buckley Deserves Better, F/M, Found Family, Insecure Evan "Buck" Buckley, Passive-aggression, Protective Athena Grant, Protective Bobby Nash, Team as Family, Uncomfortable Family Dinner, toxic family relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:55:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28237320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princessfbi/pseuds/Princessfbi
Summary: “Yes, well,” Margaret said with a sigh. “Evan’s always been a little tragic I’m afraid.”Athena froze as something hot flooded her belly and rumbled in her chest.“Tragic?”Margaret laughed as she sipped her coffee. “You know, you would’ve expected with Maddie being the girl that she would’ve been the drama queen of the two but Evan always had a---”It was in that moment that Athena realized that she was going to have to apologize to Buck later on.She snapped and what little resolve she had on her self-restraint deteriorated away like dry sand in her hand. She'd had enough. She placed her mug down with an audiblethunkagainst the wood of the tabletop.Or what should happen after that scene in the promo.
Relationships: Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Mentioned Chimney Han/Maddie Buckley, Phillip Buckley/Margaret Buckley
Comments: 28
Kudos: 576
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	Atelophobia

**Author's Note:**

> Atelophobia: The fear of not being good enough; the fear of imperfection.

It started when Buck showed up on her doorstep at ten thirty at night, mad as hell and eyes red like he’d smashed the bottle that had been holding his tears to the floor. Athena had only been able to take one look at him, feeling the stutter in her heartbeat, before he was in her arms and she was whispering nonsensical comforts in his hair. He was crying. The quiet defeated kind that was easy to miss if it weren’t for the hiccupped inhalations she felt on her neck. The tired, _disappointed_ kind that weren’t violent but couldn’t be stopped no matter how hard he tried. 

“I’m never enough.”

That’s how it started. 

This was how she planned to finish it. 

It was Bobby’s fault really. Her husband was the definition of a peacekeeper which had taken an adjustment for her family to get used to. Athena and Michael had gotten so good at snapping at each other from behind clench teeth smiles that they still grimaced whenever something of a confrontation started to brew between them, hating the way the fake niceties had been sharpened into stingers. May and Harry, the smart, intelligent children that they were, had inherited their parents quipped sense of humor and dry drawls. None of them were used to having someone around who wanted to smooth the waters instead of trying to rock them into a hurricane. But she supposed she should’ve seen it coming. 

One look at their Buckaroo and even a blind man would’ve known that he’d curled inward like a retreat from the world. Hugged himself close to protect that soft heart he’d taken off his sleeve and pressed against his chest like he was afraid of someone taking it. And despite what Bobby said, her husband always caved a little when it came to the blue-eyed golden retriever of a firefighter. 

How he’d talked Buck into it was beyond her but Buck had always had a soft spot where Bobby was concerned too, she supposed. 

Which is how they had landed where they were. Sitting at her table. Eating a meal. With Buck and his parents. In almost unbearable silence. 

The only sound to fill the house were the clanking of cutlery against the dinner plates. Buck was eating so that was good. He had a habit of losing his appetite when he was upset and Bobby had pulled out all the stops by making one of Buck's favorites. Prime rib with mashed potatoes and roasted carrots and green beans and a side caesar salad. 

Athena had brought out the wine. 

“So,” Buck’s father—- Phillip— said with a twirl of his fork. “Evan tells us you’re having him see a therapist, Captain Nash.”

Bobby froze for a moment, cutting a glance at Buck who looked seconds away from sliding under the table, before he nodded. 

“The department encourages all our firefighters and paramedics to take advantage of our mental health resources,” Bobby said. “The job can be stressful. And please, call me Bobby.”

“Yes, that’s what Evan said.” Phillip nodded, ignoring the rest of what Bobby said and focusing on his prime rib. "Do most of your firefighters seek mental health help?"

And Athena didn't know what was underlining that question but there was something there all the same. It the was tone. Fishing while still being painfully polite. Bobby with all the grace of a man used to the layered inquiries, nodded. 

"We do a tough job. There's nothing wrong with needing a little help to process what we go through every day."

Phillip nodded again. "Of course."

Silence descended on them again and threatened to swallow the evening whole.

“This is a lovely meal,” Buck’s mother--- a bland woman by the name of Margaret who shared all the looks of Buck but none of the sparkle that took up Buck’s face when he smiled--- said to Athena. 

“Thank you,” Athena said. “But it was actually—“

“Bobby is... Bobby cooks,” Buck interjected and that had been a surprise to almost everyone because up until then, Buck had taken great measures to carefully think about what he said any time the conversation was steered towards him. It was a miracle they didn’t hear the gears in his brain grinding together.

All eyes drifted to Buck, who shrank in on himself, before he uncurled when he remembered who he was speaking up for.

“Bobby’s a great cook.” Buck met his parents’ gaze which was the first time he’d done that since they’d arrived as well. “He cooks all the meals at the firehouse.”

“Well, I hope you don’t eat the department out of pocket,” Phillip joked to his wife, unbothered that it wasn't funny to anyone else at the table. “Not with the way you eat. That was the best part about Evan moving out. My grocery bill dropped thirty percent. You would've thought we starved him.”

“I hope you weren’t wanting any leftovers,” Margaret added as the two chuckled.

Buck wilted in his seat and dragged his fork through the second helping of green beans he’d been working on.

Bobby, bless him, hummed out what charitably could be called an appeasing laugh while he grabbed the balsamic roasted carrots and scooped another helping onto Buck’s plate. If Phillip and Margaret Buckley noticed they didn’t show it but Athena gave Bobby a knowing smile. Her husband, the peacekeeper, had everyone else fooled but Athena knew. That Midwesterner politeness could have a real sting if he wanted it to and he was in his element with Buck's parents.

“Your son isn’t too bad in the kitchen either.” Bobby nudged and Buck looked up to nod. 

"Bobby's been teaching me," Buck added, sheepish and a little uncertain. 

Phillip and Margaret scoffed at that, sharing a look between each other before turning to their son with a condescending level of interest.

“Are you sure we’re talking about the same, Evan?”

Athena’s fork made a sharp scrape on her plate as she stabbed at the last of her salad. The caesar salad dressing had been a beautiful mix of cheese and garlic with a hint of lemon but the longer she was forced to sit at the table with these people, the more it started to sour on her tongue. Buck looked like he was biting back something with his white knuckle grip on his fork giving him away. But she understood how hard it was to close the lid after letting the anger and resentment out to relieve the pressure. Maddie and Chimney had passed on dinner, traumatized and stressed, after the last family meal where they’d witnessed Buck’s uncharacteristic lashing of anger. Athena could count on one hand the number of times she’d seen Buck truly angry. The kind of anger where the gloves came off and the teeth were barred.

But that was the problem with being angry with family. Even when you said the most rotten of things to one another, they tended to stick around when you didn't want them to.

Then there were people like Bobby, who hated to see the ugly and was trying so hard to repair a bridge that Athena wasn’t convinced they shouldn’t just let burn down to the ground. So long as they had Buck on their side in the end, she’d be fine with never having to hear the way the Buckleys talked about their son like they were laughing at him ever again.

But she played nice. She bit her tongue. Parents were complicated. She loved her mother with all her heart and the inevitability that one day, sooner rather than later, she would have to walk this Earth without breathing the same air as her was gutting. But her mother also never forgave her for taking her own agency. Her mother had been her crusader in life but when Athena had taken over, she’d resented it like a betrayal that Athena could never avoid.

Athena had learned to accept that. She’d accepted that her mother’s love was conditional. She couldn’t make that decision for Buck.

Buck caught her gaze, looking up at her from beneath those long lashes, looking miserable and embarrassed and she would’ve given anything to reach over and hug him just then. She missed the Buck that talked nonstop as he helped himself to however much he wanted. She missed the Buck that chewed on his food instead of his words. But she couldn't. Not when Buck's parents were watching their son like a vulture waiting for their prey to finally die.

So, she did the next best thing. She refilled his wine glass.

“Evan,” Phillip chastised. “Don’t you think you’ve had enough? Your host hasn’t even had any.”

Athena was getting real tired of being conveniently forgotten by Buck’s parents.

Buck’s ears turned red as an embarrassed flush crawled up his neck and Bobby waved his hand.

“Oh, no! Please have as much as you like.”

Another weighted silence settled over the table like a thick blanket under a hot sun. It felt wrong to have Buck at her table, mute and skittish, and his parents didn’t seem to know how to pull themselves out of whatever corner they’d retreated in after Buck's explosive confession. It was awkward, shifting through the choppy waters of a standstill that they hadn’t been present for. Buck, who was only just starting to get comfortable being a champion for himself, was having to deal with the reverberation of his outburst with a pair of people who seemed determined to act like it never happened. Though, if Athena would guess, she would say that his parents were saving the wound to bring up at another time like another weapon in an arsenal of petty. 

“So, what chaos has our son gotten up to while working with you, Captain Nash?” Margaret asked and everyone seemed to breathe a sigh of relief as both Bobby and Buck perked up at the lifeline.

These were all stories that Athena had heard before so she was let herself drift through conversation to watch their guests some more. Bobby’s hand dropped onto Buck’s shoulder when he ducked down at the showering of praise as Bobby regaled the Buckleys with a story about how Buck and Eddie dove into a pool to get some idiot kid who had cemented a microwave to his head only to panic and fall into the water where he almost drowned. Phillip and Margaret were attentive listeners though, most of their attention was on Bobby and every time Buck would get a little too animated, Margaret’s lips would tighten. But Bobby would swoop in with his charming laugh and even more charming little smile.

Everyone always liked to joke about how Buck and Eddie were so seamless in their synchronicity that you couldn’t tell where Eddie ended and Buck began but Bobby and Buck harmonized one another just as well. What Buck brought in enthusiasm Bobby matched with passion that blended together to form an intense, fierce commitment to helping people. They lived for the job with fire in their veins and soot deep in their skin. Being firefighters wasn’t just what they did for a career, it was who they were. She didn’t know if Buck knew just how alike they were but she knew Bobby was all too aware and it terrified him. People like Bobby and Buck tended to run the risk of sparking themselves from standing too close to the flame.

It's why Bobby had been so petrified that night that Buck had nearly died choking on his own blood in her backyard. Athena didn’t know much about Marcy but somewhere along the way, Bobby had learned to hide his fear deep inside himself and he’d brought that armor with him all the way to Los Angeles. Seeing Buck, someone who would rather ditch the shield with a naivety of invincibility, gave Bobby a rash of panic. But Bobby was stubborn too and no amount of prodding would get him to let his guard around Buck down. He wanted to protect Buck but instead, he’d nearly smothered him.

And maybe that trembling trepidation that had been zeroed in on Buck the night they’d seen him yards away, bleeding on the concrete, and pinned by a fire truck. The echo of Buck’s screams still haunted Athena on nights when her mind would spin in all the dark places of all the dark things she’d seen. She never wanted to hear them again. Never.

But Bobby had been the one waking up in cold sweats with those screams ringing in his ears.

She wondered if Buck knew how much Bobby tensed and braced and bit down on a wince any time Buck or the others were heading for impact and Bobby had to hold back to stop himself from sliding in front of them.

It was a parental instinct and one she knew well. But maybe Bobby didn’t realize that Buck had never had something like that before and didn’t know the difference between blocking and protecting. After all, how did a child know the sky was blue if no one told him?

It was looking like the night was starting to take a turn for the better when Buck’s volume jumped up in excitement and he turned to his parents.

“So, Cap has Eddie and I practically surfing on top of the truck down the runway---”

Phillip lifted a hand in front of Buck’s face and pumped it up and down.

“Why are you talking so loud?”

And in one sentence the entire light from the room was sucked out. Buck’s face fell, his enthusiasm crumbling onto his plate, and he shifted in his seat so he could drop a flat gaze down onto his plate.

The hurt was searing as if it was on her own skin and one glance at Bobby told her he’d felt it as well. Buck’s parents on the other hand didn’t seem to notice and Phillip returned his attention Bobby.

“Captain Nash,” he said, holding his hand out for Margaret to take across the table before slapping a hand on Buck’s other shoulder. “Margaret and I would seriously like to thank you for taking Evan back after that incident last year.”

Buck shrugged out of his father’s hold and finished the last of his wine without looking up. Even still, Athena could see how pale he’d gotten. She took Bobby’s hand in hers under the table.

Neither of them liked to talk about the night Buck was thrown from a moving truck and then pinned by his leg like a fox trapped in a snare. Buck’s parents would’ve known that if they’d been there for Buck afterwards instead of just settling on calling him twice during his whole recovery.

“This is the first thing Evan has stuck with and we appreciate you allowing him to come back after he recovered.”

Athena lifted her wine glass to hide the expression she could feel her face doing as her eyebrows rose on her forehead.

“Buck did all the work,” Bobby said, shooting Buck an encouraging glance that got a small smile from the otherwise silent firefighter. “Your son is one of the best firefighters I’ve ever had the pleasure to work with.”

“Well,” Phillip said with a shared glance at his wife. “We’d be lying if we said we weren't a little surprised that he’d tried so hard to get back on the job in the first place. Motivation hasn’t always been Evan’s strong suit.”

Bobby, finally, looked at a loss for words and frowned. Athena forced herself to finish her wine instead of saying what she really wanted to say.

“Would anyone like some coffee?” She asked with a force cheer in her voice.

If coffee and some coffee cake was enough to get these people out of her house then all the better. Bobby must have seen the critically low level of patience Athena had left and stood.

“I’ll take care of it,” Bobby said, taking her plate and Margaret’s.

Buck followed suit, looking far too grateful to have an excuse to leave the table than he should, and took his own plate with Phillip’s as well.

Phillip and Margaret watched on in amazement as Buck disappeared with the plates like they’d never thought he was capable as doing something as simple as clearing the table. Condescending was one of Athena’s least favorite qualities. Bobby murmured something to Buck that was too low to hear but from the bashful smile on Buck’s face, Athena knew it was probably something he needed to hear to get through the last stretch of the evening.

In hindsight, it might not have been wise to leave her alone with Buck’s parents after having a few glasses of wine and the painted patience of a saint that didn’t come naturally to her holding her up.

“We hope our son hasn’t been too much trouble,” Phillip said when Bobby brought over the coffee pot and cake.

Athena barked out a laugh and shared a smile with her husband.

“Buck is nothing _but_ trouble,” she said over the rim of her cup of coffee.

She gave Buck a quick wink when he’d thrown a sulking pout over his shoulder at her from where he was washing the dishes.

“But that’s part of his charm.”

“Yes, well,” Margaret said with a sigh. “Evan’s always been a little tragic I’m afraid.”

Athena froze as something hot flooded her belly and rumbled in her chest.

“Tragic?”

Margaret laughed as she sipped her coffee. “You know, you would’ve expected with Maddie being the girl that she would’ve been the drama queen of the two but Evan always had a---”

It was in that moment that Athena realized that she was going to have to apologize to Buck later on.

She snapped and what little resolve she had on her self-restraint deteriorated away like dry sand in her hand. She'd had enough. She placed her mug down with an audible _thunk_ against the wood of the tabletop.

“No, I know what you meant. But that’s not what tragic means. Tragic is an adjective used to describe a hopeless situation. You weren’t calling your son a drama queen. You were calling him hopeless. You used the word incorrectly.”

It was like someone had pressed pause in the room. Margaret gaped at her with an uncomfortable, polite smile on her face as she shot her husband an alarmed glance. Good. They’d done nothing but disrespect Buck since the moment their plane landed at LAX. They deserved to be a little uncomfortable. But to call your own child tragic? People didn’t feel unwanted just because and Athena was finally able to put into words what it was Buck was feeling. This dinner had been nothing but an obligation to them. A show. They never wanted to mend any bridges or give their son a chance at showing them what he had accomplished.

Phillip and Margaret may be wonderful people under a different lens but the only lens Athena could see though was one where Buck was never going to measure up to whatever messed up standards they’d set up for him. Buck was perfect in his imperfections and Athena wasn’t going to stand by and let two people who couldn’t appreciate him, berate him one more second in her home.

Buck could’ve painted the Mona Lisa blindfolded and it wouldn’t have been enough. Athena could see that now.

Children shouldn’t have to feel unloved by their parents. Children shouldn’t have to feel like acceptance was just another jump away from whatever hoop their parent had set for them. Buck shouldn’t have to feel like he had to work to be loved. To be wanted. To be enough.

Something sharpened in her heart the day that she’d held him in her arms as he waded through the devastation after exploding at his parents the night at Chim and Maddie’s apartment.

_"Nothing I ever did was good enough."_

Buck had made a life without these people. They didn’t get to come in and tear it all down. Buck deserved better and Athena would make sure she told him so until she was blue in the face if that’s what it took.

The house was as quiet as a stalled heartbeat. 

“I’m sorry?” Margaret asked, shaking her head in confusion.

“You should be but I’m doubtful you know the meaning of that word either.” Athena leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms. “But I do. And I’m sorry as well. Sorry that someone as wonderful as Buck had to put up with eighteen years of you. Sorry that you will never truly understand how incredible, smart, kind, and talented your son is and will continue to be. Buck is family in this house and the real tragedy here is that you will never see how special your child is. The tragedy here is that I have watched your son grow into a wonderful man in the last four years without you. _He has thrived without you_. And you will never be a part of that life if you continue to belittle and degrade and bully him. Now that’s tragic.”

Margaret reeled back like she’d been slapped. “Evan---”

“I will not stand by and let you disrespect Buck for one more minute. Not in this house. Not ever.”

The Buckleys stared at her, shocked and maybe a little terrified but she didn’t care. Bobby’s hand curled over her shoulder and was a solid weight of support behind her.

“I think it’s time you leave.”

No one moved, too stunned and too uncomfortable to say anything, before Buck hurried back into the dining room. His cheeks were bright red in embarrassment and his hands had taken on that anxious twitchy motion he got when he was stressed. It was like a verbalized stutter in his movements when he couldn’t get the words out and Athena was sorry that she’d probably been the trigger that started it.

But she wasn’t sorry about what she said.

“I-I’m sorry,” Buck said, his eyes wide and maybe a little panicked. “’Thena, it's okay. I’m fin---”

“Why don’t you show your parents to the door while we finish cleaning up, Buck,” Bobby said with a soothing smile.

Phillip stood with a clearing of his throat and something dark over his expression.

“We know the way out,” he said, still polite but with a bit of a sneer in his tone.

Athena met his glare with one of her own.

“Then get there.”

Margaret and Phillip hurried to collect their coats and made their way out of the house with a not too gentle slam of the front door. The nerve of those people to ask about Buck going to therapy. Athena needed therapy after one dinner with them. Awful people. Absolutely awful.

Buck stood stunned in the same spot he’d been.

His parents hadn’t even said goodbye to him.

Something a little too close to that devastated defeat shadowed Buck as his breathing turned hitched somewhere in his chest and heavy. No one said anything as the sound of the Buckleys’ rental car started up and drove out of the driveway.

“Buck…” Bobby said like a whisper, the air knocked from his chest as he watched Buck stare at the shredding his parents had done to his self-esteem over the past week.

Buck slammed his eyes shut and took one shuddering breath and then another and one more out of hesitation before wet, ocean blue eyes locked onto Athena.

“Thank you.”

Athena was up and out of her chair before he could blink and dragged him into a fierce hug.

“You don’t thank me. Not for simply laying out the facts.”

Buck sucked in another shaky inhale and nodded. When they broke apart, Bobby slid in beside them.

“Look at me, kid,” he said, his voice low and soothing to Athena’s anger and Buck’s rejection.

He waited until Buck looked at him, a frown tugging on his lips, and settled his hand on the space where neck met shoulder.

“You are more than enough.” Buck faltered back, a little stunned, but Bobby’s hand kept him in place. “It doesn’t matter what your parents or anyone else says. I wouldn’t change a damn thing about you. You are more than enough.”

Buck’s lip jerked into a quiver but he nodded and easily moved into the hug in Bobby’s arms.

“I’m sorry I put you through that,” Bobby said.

A wet laugh burst out of Buck’s lips as he shook his head.

“I’m not. Athena ripped my parents a new one _and_ I got your prime rib for dinner.”

Something wicked curled a smirk onto Bobby's face. "I saved you left overs to take home."

And Athena could go the rest of her life never seeing the Buckleys after that disaster of a dinner. Whether Buck continued to communicate to them was up to him. But she would never allow someone to call Buck worthless in her home--- or in front of her--- ever again. 

**Author's Note:**

> *sigh* This was not supposed to happen. Then they put out that new promo.


End file.
